My Making

Sorrow Tomorrow

2011-10-06T13:13:00.000-07:00

Seldom do I write these songs of sorrow
Oh! How I long for tomorrow...
Yester' eves were the thoughts, thought to be comforting
But only to find them, leave one with wanting

To question would increase my plight
But to not, would only grow my heart faint
Would this sadness ever end?
Would my troubles ever cease?
To never sorrow about today nor long for tomorrow
Wouldn't that be a good moral!?

True Love

2010-11-02T13:19:00.000-07:00

I regret the day i met you...
The day i let you walk into my life
I regret the times we spent together
For those times were not a waste then, -but it seems like they should've not happened

Why does things tend to get complicated?
Why do the decisions of a heart not independent -affecting me or the other ?
I question the feelings i have for you, the very reason for the situation i am in now.

Life is not a game we play but often love is...
But why are the rules of love ever changing and not life
Why is love always a question when life is not...
If life was to live, should not love just be to love?

But why does it hurt to love sometimes?
And why is it hard to love in other times...?
Questioning something that has no solutions can be a mere definition for love
But love without answers is not true love

True Love is ever present and never revealed
True Love is life, a love that is lived not felt
True Love is a secret shared only by two
But it can never be found in person, but True Love finds you...

To: Annalisa, a true friend and sister in Christ. You are a blessing, hence this poem i dedicate to you. That you may be found by your one True Love. :D (9/13/2011)

True Freedom

2010-10-25T10:44:00.000-07:00

I am like a lost cause... walking the streets of Chico,
With many thoughts i go from wonder to yonder
with every step taken life changes but the thoughts remain
for they are life's ponders

In seldom moments we realize life's goodness,
Those moments that define life...
But in these moments prevail distractions
Which take away the definition of one's life itself...

To be sensitive to the Spirit is my caution
To not be distracted is my command...
But to reminiscent the present is my duty
To finish what i have is my desire...

Help me Lord to walk in Your precision
That i may do Your will and not my banter
For in You there is purpose
And only in Your purpose there is True Freedom...

Feelings...

2010-10-02T19:16:00.000-07:00

Inspired everyday i come into Your presence
To learn from You, to find out more -i run to You

Days go by and months follow
Life moves from glimpse to glimpse

Everyday fully lived every month cherished -life goes on

But in a sudden... fear strikes, times change
To find out all that feeling can go away
To admit a mistake was the case

How fragile our spiritual existence?
How quickly can we be parted?
How one's action can determine life's reactions?
A physical fault can cripple your soul
A choice insignificant can predict life's senses....

Thank You Lord that, there is hope in You and not in our feelings
That we can ever stand in Your Word and not be in fear of our failures
That Your victory and peace is long lasting
Your comfort and Grace is never ending

Failures we are, made complete
Imperfect beings made victorious...
To live life and run this race
To do Your will and rest in Your peace
To accept Change and not defeat
To glorify You and live Your ways

Thank You Lord that You teach me Your ways
Your ways of change and not just feelings
That i may be moulded into the vessel You want me to be
and not the vessel that feels good to be
Thank You Lord...

Seasons...

2010-04-18T13:28:00.001-07:00

it often seems like:
i live in a world dominated by seasons,
seasons of love
seasons of hurt
seasons of happiness
seasons of loneliness
seasons of joy
and seasons of hope
i struggle to remember the things of my past
the past which i long to see again in my future
i constantly remind myself of what i had
but with everyday it feels more and more like a distant illusion
-like a dream which once was, which fades away with the dawn of the day

a family filled with love, joy and happiness with no room for sorrow or emptiness
everyday was Christmas, Easter or a holiday, a day to celebrate and just enjoy each others mere company -true joy, with the sole purpose to be shared with as many as possible

Oh how i miss my past, how i miss the tears of joy and sorrow
they are memories of sweet joy to me today, to know then i was known without any explanations or introductions
when i was accepted for who i was and not what i would become.
i miss seeing the faces who look at you with hope that "one day this kid will make a difference in this world"-my hope
the same ones who never hesitate to tell me when i am wrong and correct me...

what has become of my life today!!!!
i live everyday to fulfill the requirements of the hour
to not waste the possibility of achieving the productivity of a minute
constantly on a role
a cycle of endless chores, activities, assignments, whatever one might call it
a cycle of revolving life,
life like the different seasons,
which embrace you with surprise, inspiration and hope....
but leave you longing...
i am not lonely i just miss my family....

Addiction

2009-11-04T09:59:00.000-08:00

After many a days I write

Write about the things of my past which are ever present

Silent haunting which slow one’s life to the extent there is only despair

Overcome struggles are staring at you only this time with more pain to go through- an addiction

Choosing to relive in pain every moment even though it is the slow suicide of the soul

Not wanting to question, lost in confusion…

To be alone, to be in sorrow, desperate for change

Knowing what to do, but is it worth it if I kept failing?

Why give up a fight that was already won for you…

When failure is not a consequence but a choice, what then?

Addiction- so subtle yet deadly

So common yet rare in one’s mind

Is there ever any deliverance? Will there be any freedom? Is there even any hope?

Life.... is it?

2009-07-28T23:34:00.000-07:00

not a day passes by without me thinking of what tomorrow holds
not a minute passes by without that seldom thought
the thought of doing God's will fully
fully to the extent of laying down ones life!

why does life in God require such submission?
why does free will have to be a a hidden burden?
when to choose something that is not of or from God, leads to disaster
why is destruction the choicest fruit.

life is simple you are born to a family and die when your old
the days are numbered which makes life short
but why does it take forever to live it
and seems to be the most complex problems one ever solves....
only to find the solution in ones own grave

that it does matter how u lived your life
the small gift God entrusted you to find out whether you trusted him back
with your life...

Trust In God Alone

2009-06-18T23:55:00.000-07:00

the sorrow of my heart is felt less and less as the days go by
His Joy filling me slowly for i do resist
relaxation is something sought after even though it is just a myth
life is a struggle that would never end
but should we let it end ones happiness?

when a change of mind can determine life or death
why is death preferred as an ultimate solution?

at every beginning there is an end
to end struggle and start one is what seems like what often happens
but how we do it is what needs to be thought of
even though to "remember His promises and rely on His timing" is vital
it is often impossible to do it with out His help
so thank You Lord for Your persistence in keeping me fighting
fighting to do what You want over and against what i want to
thank You.

sam.... sam.... sam..... (voice at a distant)

2009-04-30T13:35:00.000-07:00

a voice calling at a distance... sam... sam... sam....
not knowing whether it would be heard or simply dettered
not knowing whether or not it was appropriate or something thought less of.
the voice keeps calling sam... sam... sam... at a distance

the voice keeps calling sam... sam... sam.... at a distance
with every thought provoking question the voice continues without any resistance
trying to get the attention of the structured answer- it never rests....
never rests.... for it can't... for there is no lack of determination
the voice sam... sam... sam.... keeps calling at a distance

the voice sam... sam... sam.... keeps calling at a distance
getting all bored tries to end it with precaution

sam... sam... sam.... the voice was not at a distance
to tell the truth it was never a voice just another intervention

I do not know...

2009-01-28T20:36:00.000-08:00

the music in my ears are keeping me calm, in an ever revolving world of emotion and surprise.
sitting next to something which is to waste away(a garbage bin) how i wish the song would never end.
but as life and as how things are meant to be, it did...
i wouldn't have never understood it until now, neither would've i thought i about it
that it was merely a new beginning of something totally new. a surprise.
why do we dread life's endings?
is it because we dread, receiving something unpleasant?
or is it because we've learned to love or be comfortable in what we are that we dread to let it go?
i do not know....

but looking back in to our lives we will see, that the new beginnings
pleasant or unpleasant, surprising or predicted, plain or philosophical
are merely another realization that life is to live and not to survive
but why do we try to survive to the future when we have lived our past
i do not know....

dedicated to my first Romanian buddy(E.P.), why? i don't know : )

small poem

2008-06-02T10:14:00.000-07:00

a small poem...

what is life that we live it regardless of how effortless it seems
what is life that we struggle with all the questions and answers it has to bring
life the one thing we did not realize when we received it
the one thing which wouldn't and shouldn't matter after we have given it-to God of course.
and this i credit to you Annabelle, for living a life to and unto God, regardless of all....
...of all that life is and what it brings
(need i say more...)

dedicated to Annabelle Hauck (10:11am 6/02/2008)

It's all your's Lord; not Mine(3/19/2008 11:27pm)

2008-03-21T14:24:00.000-07:00

I long for the day i would finally meet you,
The day i would finally say;
thank you Lord for having us meet finally,

I need somebody;
somebody to share myself wholly- for
I fear loosing myself before i meet you,
Since the temptations are far too many.

Lord i will wait, for i have to
Lord i have to, for i depend
Lord i depend on You;
for You decide the right time and the specific moment we meet
for You Lord;
are the only one who knows us when we are ready to receive each other

These feelings which i am impatient to share
These sacrifices which is waits for meaning
To fulfill me in my creators purpose, for i am merely half

The day i decide to love and cherish only you
A blessing from God;
planned before me
created after me
Made for each other
For the greater glory of God Himself.

All this is just a moment away, not mine but Your's oh! Lord.
Not Mine!

dedicated to my adopted sister, this is your's...

Silence

2007-11-01T15:11:00.000-07:00

"look beyond what you see"
is a saying that i always use, but never realized that i sometimes never looked beyond what i saw.

the skills of a soldier will never be a part of life,
until the wounds of battle can scar him no more.
the sounds of singing could never be soothing,
unless there is a listener with an available ear.
the strokes of a painter will never tell a story,
unless life itself is the painter.
the feet of a dancer can never stop dancing,
until she looses her stride.
the sounds in the hall way will never rest,
they simply can't, for generations they echo.
the meanings of my heart can never be explained,
for i still can't and will not understand.
the knowledge about God always does exist,
but how it does no one ever knows.
these words above are of a silent moment,
of a thought not far from a very noisy world...
they are not only answers but they are questions too!
or are they....
(while at work)