Addiction

After many a days I write

Write about the things of my past which are ever present

Silent haunting which slow one’s life to the extent there is only despair

Overcome struggles are staring at you only this time with more pain to go through- an addiction

Choosing to relive in pain every moment even though it is the slow suicide of the soul

Not wanting to question, lost in confusion…

To be alone, to be in sorrow, desperate for change

Knowing what to do, but is it worth it if I kept failing?

Why give up a fight that was already won for you…

When failure is not a consequence but a choice, what then?

Addiction- so subtle yet deadly

So common yet rare in one’s mind

Is there ever any deliverance? Will there be any freedom? Is there even any hope?

Life.... is it?

not a day passes by without me thinking of what tomorrow holds
not a minute passes by without that seldom thought
the thought of doing God's will fully
fully to the extent of laying down ones life!

why does life in God require such submission?
why does free will have to be a a hidden burden?
when to choose something that is not of or from God, leads to disaster
why is destruction the choicest fruit.

life is simple you are born to a family and die when your old
the days are numbered which makes life short
but why does it take forever to live it
and seems to be the most complex problems one ever solves....
only to find the solution in ones own grave

that it does matter how u lived your life
the small gift God entrusted you to find out whether you trusted him back
with your life...

Trust In God Alone

the sorrow of my heart is felt less and less as the days go by
His Joy filling me slowly for i do resist
relaxation is something sought after even though it is just a myth
life is a struggle that would never end
but should we let it end ones happiness?

when a change of mind can determine life or death
why is death preferred as an ultimate solution?

at every beginning there is an end
to end struggle and start one is what seems like what often happens
but how we do it is what needs to be thought of
even though to "remember His promises and rely on His timing" is vital
it is often impossible to do it with out His help
so thank You Lord for Your persistence in keeping me fighting
fighting to do what You want over and against what i want to
thank You.

sam.... sam.... sam..... (voice at a distant)

a voice calling at a distance... sam... sam... sam....
not knowing whether it would be heard or simply dettered
not knowing whether or not it was appropriate or something thought less of.
the voice keeps calling sam... sam... sam... at a distance

the voice keeps calling sam... sam... sam.... at a distance
with every thought provoking question the voice continues without any resistance
trying to get the attention of the structured answer- it never rests....
never rests.... for it can't... for there is no lack of determination
the voice sam... sam... sam.... keeps calling at a distance

the voice sam... sam... sam.... keeps calling at a distance
getting all bored tries to end it with precaution

sam... sam... sam.... the voice was not at a distance
to tell the truth it was never a voice just another intervention

I do not know...

the music in my ears are keeping me calm, in an ever revolving world of emotion and surprise.
sitting next to something which is to waste away(a garbage bin) how i wish the song would never end.
but as life and as how things are meant to be, it did...
i wouldn't have never understood it until now, neither would've i thought i about it
that it was merely a new beginning of something totally new. a surprise.
why do we dread life's endings?
is it because we dread, receiving something unpleasant?
or is it because we've learned to love or be comfortable in what we are that we dread to let it go?
i do not know....

but looking back in to our lives we will see, that the new beginnings
pleasant or unpleasant, surprising or predicted, plain or philosophical
are merely another realization that life is to live and not to survive
but why do we try to survive to the future when we have lived our past
i do not know....


dedicated to my first Romanian buddy(E.P.), why? i don't know : )